Ignorance is Bliss Cake

subtitled: It's OK, butter is actually good for you in a way that margarine never was, says Michael Pollan

• Melt 2 sticks of butter
• On the side, boil one cup of water
• Add four heaping (and when I say heaping, I mean basically just keep going. Maybe use the biggest excuse for a spoon you can find in the house) tablespoons baking cocoa to the butter and whisk it in. Add boiling water. Let it bubble for 30 seconds and then turn off the heat and set it aside
• Combine 1 cup white flour, 1 cup whole wheat flour (danger! We're deviating from the Pioneer Woman's carefully laid plans now!), 1 cup sugar (maybe even brown sugar. Ha! Take that!) and some salt
• Add in chocolate mixture, only stirring slightly
• In another bowl, combine 1/2 cup buttermilk (or regular milk with a dash of vinegar), 2 beaten eggs, 1 tsp vanilla and 1 tsp baking soda
• Add to the chocolate/flour mixture and mix well
• Pour into a 9 x 13 pan because this used to be a sheet cake but I don't have a sheet cake pan. What are you going to do about it?
• Bake at 350 for about 20 minutes or until a toothpick in the middle comes out clean, which for me was exactly 20 minutes

MEANWHILE, and this is the really nefarious part:

• Melt 1 1/2 sticks of butter, whisk in 8 heaping tablespoons of baking cocoa (just kind of keep going until it's ludicrously chocolately) and add 1 can of sweetened condensed milk. (Sweetened condensed milk isn't really sugar, friends. It's a dairy product.)
• Chop & add 1 cup walnuts if you're so inclined. Whisk in a splash of milk or maybe some WHIPPING CREAM and the nuts and let it all bubble for a little, stirring until smooth, and then turn off the heat

• When the cake comes out, poke holes all over it with a stick that you bought to make carmel apples with. Then pour the glaze all over the poor unsuspecting cake, being sure to drown the living daylights out of it.
• Best eaten straight out of the hot pan with a fork. Or you can cut it and pretend to be civilized if you must.

From: Morgan Anneke Majors